How to handle siblings rivalry

Let’s be real—sibling rivalry is one of those things every parent (and every sibling!) deals with at some point. One minute they’re sharing cookies, the next they’re fighting over who got the bigger piece. Whether it's loud arguments, silent treatments, or petty competition, it’s a classic part of growing up in a shared space.

But here’s the thing—rivalry between siblings isn’t always a bad sign. It’s often how children learn about boundaries, fairness, and negotiation. The goal isn’t to eliminate it completely but to manage it in a way that builds stronger family bonds, not broken ones.

So, how do you handle it when your kids (or even you and your grown siblings!) just can’t seem to get along?

1. Don’t Play Favorites—Even Unintentionally

Kids have a radar for fairness. If they sense you’re always siding with one child or comparing them (“Why can’t you be more like your brother?”), resentment grows. Instead of comparison, affirm each child’s uniqueness. Every child wants to feel seen for who they are—not just who they are next to their sibling.

2. Set Clear Rules for Conflict

Fighting is bound to happen, but how it happens matters. Set ground rules: no hitting, no name-calling, no dragging mom into every tiny argument. Teach them to express how they feel using “I” statements like “I felt hurt when you took my toy” instead of “You’re mean!”

3. Teach Conflict Resolution, Not Just Peacekeeping

Don’t always rush in to fix things. Sometimes, let them try to solve the problem themselves (with a little guidance). Ask questions like: “What do you think a fair solution would be?” or “How would you feel if the roles were reversed?” This builds emotional intelligence.

4. Create Space for Each Child

Sibling rivalry often stems from competition for attention or space. Make time for one-on-one moments with each child. Even a short walk or a shared chore can make a child feel valued outside the group dynamic.

5. Praise Teamwork, Not Just Individual Success

Notice and praise the moments they do get along: “I loved how you helped your sister with her homework today” or “That was kind of you to share your snack.” Positive reinforcement encourages more of that behavior.

6. Don’t Drag Past into Present

Avoid digging up past mistakes when settling new arguments. Every situation should be judged on its own, not through the lens of a long history of who started what last week—or last year.

7. Humor Helps

Sometimes, laughter is the best diffuser. A silly joke or a shared memory can break the tension and shift the energy. Of course, timing matters—don't use humor to dismiss real feelings, but when it’s appropriate, it works like magic.

For Adults With Sibling Issues…

Sibling rivalry doesn’t always fade with age. If tension still lingers into adulthood, consider honest, respectful conversations—or even family therapy if needed. Healing sibling relationships takes time, but it’s possible when both sides are willing.

Sibling rivalry is part of the family journey. With patience, empathy, and a little creativity, you can turn rivalry into connection—and raise siblings who, despite the bickering, always have each other’s back.